The One Question That Reveals The True Cause of Your Anxiety

Sean Weisbrot: Diva Diaz is a global speaker and facilitator of Access Consciousness. This is a, uh, set of classes and seminars designed to help entrepreneurs who are neurodivergent, people like myself who have a DHD and people like her who have autism. There's so many different people around the world that are going through what we are going through, and that doesn't mean it's bad or negative or anything like that, but either way, it's something extremely important that we recognize that. Everyone is different. Everyone thinks differently, feels differently, experiences life and the world differently, and I wanted to talk with her because of the fact that part of being an entrepreneur is being a human. And part of being a human is understanding that we are different. And if we're able to look inside of ourselves and become more self-aware and be able to understand what it is that. It gives us life and gives us our uniqueness and what our strengths and weaknesses are. If we can be more self-aware, then maybe we can come to understand other people as well. And so in this episode, we talked about anxiety. We talked about communication. We talked about panic attacks a little bit. We talked about how to understand yourself and how to understand others and how to work with people when you're neurodivergent or how to work with neurodivergent people and. This was a really fantastic conversation. Diva is always very lovely and very fun, very interesting to communicate with. I enjoyed my time with her very much, and I know you're gonna love her too. Now to the show. So, diva, you have had a long career of working in corporations and then deciding to work with, uh, entrepreneurs who have autism and A DHD and other sorts of neurodivergent, uh, skill sets and mindsets. What's been one of the. Hardest parts of that process of learning about yourself and, and working with them and, and trying to understand them and yourself in the process?

Diva Diaz: Um, I'd say one of the hardest things is probably recognizing that a lot of the, the things that I thought were wrong with me in the past actually. Were always some kind of skill or capacity that I had that was different. And recognizing those things in hindsight and watching other people recognize those things in hindsight, um, can be interesting. It, it's incredibly freeing. And at the same time, it does make you think, wow, I could have done things in a completely different way, or I could have navigated this differently. Um, but at the same time, the freedom that you get from that awareness is so huge that it also. It doesn't really matter so much.

Sean Weisbrot: I was, uh, at a business meetup yesterday, and there was a guy there who was talking about how he has a number of friends in Portugal. We, we live in Portugal. He has a number of friends in Portugal, the vast majority of which are not business owners. And so oftentimes they may ask him like, oh, what's going on? And he's like, I don't know what to say with these people, because if I were to tell them what I'm really dealing with, they'd just be like, oh, I'm sure it'll turn out all right. And I feel like sometimes. And so I, I was able to understand him because I've been through some of those things myself. And so he's like, yeah, it's nice to be able to talk to you guys because I understand that I can actually tell you what's going on and you're not going to have this useless kind of, you know, thing to say. So I feel like, um, that's been maybe part of your experience and part of my experience in. Knowing what we can say to other people. So for those who don't know, I have a DHD and um, that's been very difficult for me to, to manage between energy focused, clarity, these kinds of things. Um, you know, time management, et cetera. And it's not to my extent, I don't have autism, but. Sometimes I think A DHD might have an element of autism, potentially. I'm not really sure. I haven't gotten tested, but I, I feel like there's a, a, a way to. Create an analogy between being an entrepreneur, talking to someone who doesn't have, who doesn't have an entrepreneur, doesn't have a business to being someone who's neuro divergent, trying to talk to someone who's not, and like them trying to understand. And, and I find the same way, I'm colorblind as well, so when someone's like, oh, it's this color, or like, oh, it's, it's the green one. I'm like, which one's the green one? And they're like, what are you talking about? It's like that one, like, how am I supposed to know? It's, that's the Greek one, you know? Um. So I don't know if that's a similar thing you've encountered.

Diva Diaz: Yeah, I think so. And I think, you know, like one of the, the really interesting things that I find as well is that there is a difference in talking to somebody who's neurodivergent or even an entrepreneur, as you're saying. Um. From a kind of like theoretical point of view, and then from the point of view where you have actually experienced things and you are the person that's living it as well. And I know that that's very obvious to say, but the more that you kind of, um, discover these different abilities that you have from being. Neurodiverse. Um, to me it's made it so much easier to be able to actually, um, relate to the people that I'm working with, relate to these entrepreneurs, and also have it, have it so that for them it's so much easier to understand that the rest of the world is different to them. It's not just that they're different from everyone else, you know, everyone else thinks in a different way to them as well.

Sean Weisbrot: I recently wrote a newsletter about morals and ethics in business, and the crux of my position is that everyone is different from you. Everyone has different morals and standards and ethics than you do even within your own culture, and so. If you make the assumption that your needs, your wants, your desires, your way of doing things is the same as others, you will fail in almost every aspect of your life. And. It was something that I had to learn and it took me living in China to realize, and I still, I still realize over and over again every country I go to, but I, I also liken that to Neurodivergence and that I. You can make the assumption that everyone thinks fast and is creative very easily and can identify edge cases that, uh, for things that connect to each other. But then when you try to communicate that to someone who can't do that, or their brain isn't wired that way, you're, it's easy to go, well, that's dumb. Why can't you do that? Or, or like, but I thought everyone could do that. And so it, I think it's a problem for both sides trying to commit each other. And I maybe saying both sides is not correct in a way because it kind of pits us against the other. But I think, you know what I mean?

Diva Diaz: Yeah, no, absolutely. I think that's, that's exactly, and you know, one of the, the things that I find too is that the more that you are able to really get a clear understanding of how you function, like. What triggers you? What motivates you? What allows you to be productive in terms of an environment? Mm-hmm. What allows you to self-regulate the more you can really get a handle on that. What becomes less important is that other people understand you, and what becomes less important is for you to even understand. How other people function in the sense that you can observe it and not have a judgment of it, not be attached. Like, come on, try and understand where I'm coming from. Because once you understand that so clearly within yourself, it does create a sense of peace, a sense of peace of mind where you're not, um, tortured by the things that you're not able to achieve so easily or the things that are, are challenging for you. Um, and that to me has been something that's very, very empowering. I don't know if you found something similar or,

Sean Weisbrot: I feel like understanding myself has been far simpler than understanding and, and being accepting of others' differences from me. I think I struggle with that even though I try really hard and put a lot of energy into it. I think it's still difficult for me.

Diva Diaz: I think it's difficult in general, you know, for people to understand. A completely different way of functioning. Um, so yeah, I, I get that completely. And you know, again, it's, it's a huge topic with so many facets to it, but, um, it's one that. Can be incredibly empowering, which I'm grateful for. I'm grateful that we're at a time and we can actually talk about this. I remember when I started talking about this 14 years ago. It was not something that was a welcome conversation, let me tell you. It was people were closed off to it. They didn't want to know. It seemed too weird. It seemed like you were ostracizing a particular group of people rather than just really acknowledging differences. So that you could then go beyond the problems and actually start to tap into the different skills and abilities.

Sean Weisbrot: I, I don't know about outside of the US in this regard, but I think America has always struggled with this kind of a conversation, especially because it's more centered around like race. I think the, the largest conversation was around race, and then people thought it was solved, and then they're like, let's talk about homosexuality and then let's talk about now the, the conversation is around, uh, people who are transgender. I don't wanna get into that. I'm just saying we, we, we try to push ourselves to have these conversations, but I think the vast majority of people are not ready to have these conversations.

Diva Diaz: Yeah. And you know, like the thing that I noticed, um, is that during the time of the pandemic, it really. It really kind of put mental health at the forefront of what was going on for most people. So we were, in many ways forced to look at it on a global scale, which I think is quite a phenomenon unto itself. You know, the other conversations, of course, have happened and, and they continue to happen and quite rightly so. Um, and it's mostly. Because of, you know, particular situations or whatever's going on in the country at the time. But to have the whole world suddenly be forced into looking at this, um, as much as it was for terrible reasons, I think actually really did push us to, to start this conversation that is hugely uncomfortable and is so varied and there's not necessarily an answer to it, you know? Um, it's just this continuous exploration of each other and of ourselves.

Sean Weisbrot: So what is a way that someone can try to accept themselves first? Because I, I guess it doesn't make sense to try to relate to others if you don't understand yourself first.

Diva Diaz: Um, I'd say the, the thing that I come across the most with people that I work with, um. Regardless of whether they're professionals, entrepreneurs, kids, is this topic of self-judgment and self-criticism. It, it seems to be the one, um, kind of biggest stopping point. For you to have ease in anything. So if there's an area where you are judging yourself and you know, we don't often know that we're judging ourselves because we've just decided that it's a fact. Like I'm just terrible at this, or I am just really bad at this, or I just. Always fail in these situations or people just find me very annoying. That's it. It's a fact. I'm annoying, you know? But when you look at that, how much of that is actually a judgment that you have a view that you are wrong, that you're not fitting in, that um, there's something that needs to be fixed, that you should be doing something better. All of that, that the basis of that is judgment. And the incredible thing about judgment is that it's powerful. It's powerful. So when you start judging something, you're basically sticking that thought or that feeling with glue to yourself. You're going, that's it. I'm holding onto this. I am putting all my attention and energy on this. So. The main thing that I would say is start to notice the areas where you are just 100% convinced that you are wrong or messed up, because I can assure you that's probably gonna be a place where you are judging yourself. It doesn't mean that you, it doesn't mean that it's not a fact that perhaps that's not your best skill or that perhaps, you know, you don't always find a way to annoy your parents. Who knows? But. Start to look at where you might be judging yourself, because when you have that judgment, what happens is you're no longer looking at that situation as an observer, which means you've lost all control. So now the situation controls you. And what happens in those cases is that when people who are neurodivergent, as with everyone, when they feel controlled and like they don't have any control themselves. It can cause outbursts and upset and, you know, even withdrawal and many different things. 'cause it does show up differently for everybody. But, um, you know, a great tool that, that I find that works very, very dynamically is a tool from Access Consciousness. And it's just saying to yourself, interesting point of view that I have this point of view. It is so simple, like most people will discard it the first 10, 20 times they hear it because it's. Way too simple. But if you think about it, you know, if you've been thinking to yourself, oh God, I keep doing really badly in this area, or I need to improve, you know, but you've got that sense of heaviness, like there's something wrong with you that you need to fix because you're just broken in some way. Try and say to yourself. What an interesting perspective. What if, this is just an interesting point of view. What that does is it actually tricks your mind and your energy changes too, because it changes that from being a solid fact that you won't be able to move, move beyond that is gonna create struggle and difficulty. It changes that. Into something that is just a perspective that you're having in that moment. And it's very subtle, but it's that way that you start to change those neural pathways. It's the way that you start to change those habits of the way that you talk to yourself and therefore your energy changes, which means that your interactions with the world changes well, so the way that people react to you change. So it's subtle, but it is powerful and it's one of the. The fastest ways to get out of self criticism other than just, you know, trying to fix the thing that you've decided is wrong with you, which doesn't work so well.

Sean Weisbrot: I'm definitely guilty of looking down on myself in certain ways. Mm-hmm. Which I think a lot of people would think is crazy to hear about me because I generally come across as very confident, positive. But that's not the whole picture.

Diva Diaz: Yeah.

Sean Weisbrot: You know, I'm not one of these social media people that's like constantly posting positive stuff. And when people ask me how it's going, I'm like, like when, when we first got on right before we started recording, you're like, how are you? And I'm like, well, do you want the whole story or, or do you just want a few of the pieces of just what I'm trying just to deal with? Um, and so there's, yeah, I try to hold back all of, not all of it. I try to hold back the hardest parts of it so that I. I don't make the person feel like I'm negative and they don't wanna be around me because I, I worry that I'm being too negative or that I'm being too, um, like heavy in the way I talk. Mm-hmm. And the way I emphasize my own opinions. So I, I definitely am guilty of this. Um, two other quick examples from other people. Yesterday I was playing golf in the morning and then, uh, billiards at night. And the, at golf, it was just a driving range. I've never played on a course before, but I'm generally pretty decent and I decided to invite some friends to go. They, uh, two of them used to play when they were younger. One of them I never played before. I. Uh, one of them that I played when she was younger, played had I played quite often and she was far better than me, but she came going, I'm not that good. And I haven't played in a long time within hitting like the first few balls. She was, she had grade form, she was hitting them pretty well and she was very consistent. I. And then like after a few really good times, a ball would just completely miss and she would just hit it like a few meters away instead of the her normal, like a hundred plus. And then she'd be like, see, you know, I hit a good one and then I hit a bad one. And I'm like, why do you think that about yourself? She's like, but you just saw it's what happened? I'm like, but that doesn't mean that has to be the reality. Every time you hit a big one, you hit a short one. Why isn't that you can't hit two good ones in a row and that, that, that one doesn't happen, that that bad one doesn't need to happen. You know, you're consistent. You have good form. There's no reason why you're hitting a bad one except you telling yourself that a bad one's coming and so you make it happen for yourself. And she's like, oh shit. I. I was like, yeah, but so why, why, why do you have to do that? And then, um, later on I was doing billiards and I was like, oh, there were three of us. And so I played with one guy and then the guy beat me and he decided he wanted to take a break. The other guy was like, nah, I haven't really played in like many years. And I'm like, you're a shark. I know you're a shark. You're just like making yourself look like you're not good. And I broke, I didn't get anything in, and he got the first three balls in a row. And I'm like, see, I told you he is like, I haven't played in like 20 years. I'm like, but that doesn't mean you forget that stuff. Your skill doesn't go away. Anything related to hand-eye coordination like that, it's muscle memory. You know? Same thing with the, the friend doing the golf. Once you have that skill, you basically never lose it, even if it's decades between when you did it last and, and now. And it goes to the same thing. They're guilty of assuming they're not good at it, and yet they're far better than me. I do it more often and more consistently than them.

Diva Diaz: Yeah, it's incredible. It's just our perspective. Exactly. And it's, it's really the, these internal conversations that we have with ourselves that create so much of what's going on in our lives. I mean, one of the targets that I've had with the work that I do for so long is just to. Create a possibility where people who are neurodivergent don't judge themselves. It's a big task that I'm, I'm setting myself. I'm not sure that that's possible, but that they judge themselves at least a little bit less because. You know when you have those self criticisms going on, or like you're saying, assuming that something bad is gonna happen, you end up creating it that way. You end up making those situations happening and then saying, see, I knew that that was gonna happen when you've actually lined up all the cards for it to happen that way. So then I guess, 'cause you know, if you're listening, you might be thinking, well. Then what's another way of doing it? Like how, if we're so conditioned to think this way, or if this is how I've been doing it for the last 30, 50, a hundred years, like how am I supposed to, to change it? Um, and one, one way that I have found is really effective is to go into question, start asking a different question than you've ever asked before. Kind of like the question that you asked your friend Sean. Like, what if. What if questions are so great because they are completely open-ended. And again, what you're doing is you're creating a question that your mind can't follow. So the usual patterns of you having to set yourself up for failure or you know, all these different things, they kind of can't feature in there anymore. You know? So you could ask like, what if this turned out better than I can imagine? What if there's a different way of doing it? You know what could be a different way of doing this? What if I actually had a lot of ease with this interaction today? And just those questions you'll be amazed at how quickly and easily it can actually, um. Really, you know, I mean, I spoke about having a sense of peace before, but it really just does give you a lot more relaxation in your world. So you're not constantly like, kind of battling against your demons, you know, and, and the ones that you know are coming and you're like, oh gosh, I know this, this is probably gonna happen. So I'm, you know, ready for a fight already. It actually puts you in a completely different. You know, situation where your mind and your awareness is going, oh, okay, this might be different. And so because of that, something different can show up. So I love that you gave that example about your friends.

Sean Weisbrot: Hey, just gimme 10 seconds of your time. I really appreciate you listening to the episode so far and I hope you're loving it. And if you are, I would love to ask you to subscribe to the channel because what we do is a lot of we're in, every week we bring you a new guest and a new story, and what we do requires so much love. So that we can bring you something amazing and every week we're trying really hard to get better guests that have better stories and improve our ability to tell their stories. So your subscription lets the algorithm know that what we're doing is fantastic and no commitment. It's free to do. And if you don't like what we're doing later on, you can always unsubscribe. And either way, we would love a, like if you don't feel like subscribing at this time. Thank you very much and we'll take you back to the show now. What's something that you criticize yourself about that you wish you didn't, but you, you feel stuck in a loop about?

Diva Diaz: I would say I have been an insufferable perfectionist since I remember really like just insufferable, um, and. You know, for the longest time I really would go into a lot of self-judgment and, uh, self-doubt about my own abilities. If what I was delivering or doing or saying, or the way I was presenting myself wasn't the, you know, to the utmost level of perfection, which of course doesn't exist because it's all a perspective, right? Then what I recognized was I, I had to really take a look at that for myself. 'cause I was quite honestly just torturing myself the whole time, working way too much. Um, just, just really not enjoying living and just probably quite enjoying being hard on myself. 'cause it was something that I knew, it was something that I had control over. So what I had to recognize was, do I wanna continue to live this way? Which is. Quite an interesting conversation to have with yourself. You know, it requires some brutal honesty with yourself, a bit of vulnerability sprinkled in. But um, looking at that and recognizing, okay, so if I don't wanna live this way anymore, then like, what is this really, if I am able to see details, um, and know how something could be, is it possible that there is actually a capacity here? And what I recognized was that I was able to see a level of detail that most people aren't able to see in, you know, if we're talking about business in particular, in different projects, in, in a direction that a business could go in, but also, um, the ability to see where things could head. So rather than having just the, the regular kind of, oh, this could be a, a regular okay result that we could get from this project, I would already be like 500 years ahead, you know, thinking that it could be this gigantic kind of explosion. So looking at that, I started to recognize what if it's not wrong that, that that's not the result I'm having immediately. What skillset can I take from this? What are the good parts that I can take from this that I can use to my advantage that will actually contribute to this project, to this business, to this conversation, and to my life? And so I, I started to turn that around and ask, okay, so how do I use this to my advantage? And that's something that I think. Um, for a lot of neurodivergent people, it's super applicable because a lot of the things that they are having a challenging time with, when you start to break it down and you start to look at, okay, so is there a capacity here? What's the ability behind all of this? When you ask yourself that question, you start to look at, at the things that you are aware of, the things that you are noticing, the things that you, um. You know, are capable of perhaps instituting or bringing to the table that you hadn't really taken a moment to acknowledge properly. And in doing so, it does empower you and it does give you a different sense of confidence as well.

Sean Weisbrot: So if I were to ask myself that question, it would go something like this, how can I use panic attacks to my advantage? And. I haven't figured that out yet, so I would No, I would love to know if you have any, uh, words of wisdom, because I, yes, I'm trying.

Diva Diaz: So I would, and I love that, that you brought this up. Thank you so much. 'cause I would, I would kind of take one step back from that because the panic attack is actually the symptom. It's not the cause. So when you look at, at it, this question, what's really designed, what it's designed to do is to really get you to look at what's underneath all of this. Okay. So for me, the perfectionism was like the symptom, the self-doubt, the judgment. Why am I not perfect? You know, that was like the symptom of something else that was going on before that something else happened first that then led to the perfectionism. So what I would ask you is what are you actually aware of before the panic attack? What are you aware of before the panic attack for a lot of people who are neurodivergent. Yeah.

Sean Weisbrot: You mean what do I think triggers it?

Diva Diaz: Yeah. What can trigger it? What comes up in your world? Is it a sensation? Is it a situation? Are you in a particular environment? Do you perhaps think of somebody as like a flash thought that you don't even notice cognitively you are doing?

Sean Weisbrot: Oh, yeah.

Diva Diaz: Yeah.

Sean Weisbrot: I'm, I'm not really allowed to say it.

Diva Diaz: Yeah.

Sean Weisbrot: In public, but you know what it is?

Diva Diaz: I can,

Sean Weisbrot: I can tell, I can tell you off air. Yeah. But I can't really talk about it. Um, I. Uh, normally I would be extremely, uh, transparent, but something may happen in the near future, and so I, I, it's best for me to keep it to myself for now on air. But yeah, it's, that's been a recurring person.

Diva Diaz: Mm-hmm. And a

Sean Weisbrot: recurring theme because

Diva Diaz: Okay.

Sean Weisbrot: I thought I would only spend 125,000. I think I thought that would be my max. That was my, my budget for it. And. When it crossed that number, it started to grow on a monthly basis of how much would need to be spent, and I didn't have any end in sight of where I'd be able to get money from someone else to be able to continue it. And that definitely gave me a lot of anxiety, um, because I didn't have another business funding it. It was all like my savings at that point. And, uh, COVID also came around that time and that was definitely not helpful.

Diva Diaz: Yeah.

Sean Weisbrot: Um, and so for some time I would get, I don't wanna say panic attacks, but I would have physical man manifestations of stress around people. And sometimes I still do, like I might be in front of someone. Like, let's say it's just having lunch, whatever with someone, and I may even know this person and I may feel really comfortable with this person. And out of nowhere I start to feel stress and I start to feel the parts of Yeah, my, like the skin, like the muscles kind of like tensing up in a way. I don't know if you've ever felt that before.

Diva Diaz: Yeah.

Sean Weisbrot: Um,

Diva Diaz: yeah. No, but I, I think I, it's like a sense

Sean Weisbrot: what you're

Diva Diaz: saying,

Sean Weisbrot: it kind of presents as like a tension headache, but I know I'm the one causing it.

Diva Diaz: Mm-hmm.

Sean Weisbrot: And I don't know why it's happening and I don't know when it happens. And that that in itself can't really be considered a panic attack because I've had panic attacks. That's a, that's stress in a way. Yeah, but it's like we're having a good conversation. There's nothing wrong, and yet I still feel stressed and these tension headaches, whatever are still happening. It's like I don't really, it doesn't make sense, but all I know is it started four years ago.

Diva Diaz: And so, but this is a, a, you know, a really good example of you actually knowing what it is to a certain degree that's causing, or that has caused the panic attacks just from one question, just right now, you know, that was like 30 seconds and you're like, oh yeah, I know what's actually causing this. So already that's a different level of awareness that you have. The more that you play with that and you ask, okay, so what am I aware of here? Perhaps with this other situation, like what am I aware of here? What am I aware of right before it begins? It might have nothing to do with your friend. It might be something else that's going on Subconsciously, it might be somebody's energy who just walked into the room because we all are emitting, you know, like an electromagnetic. Field of energy the entire time with our thoughts, our feelings. You know, you can tell when somebody's angry, they don't need to open their mouth or look a certain way. We've all had that experience and so people who are neurodiverse, they no divergent, sorry, they. They have such an extreme ability in that area that their volume is turned up to like a thousand, whereas the rest of the world might perceive on a volume from say one to 10, they perceive from one to a thousand. So those things are very, very loud to them, which is why they're also really great business people as well, and great entrepreneurs. 'cause they have a very strong gut feeling that very often they'll follow more so than other people who have to weigh out the pros and cons in every situation.

Sean Weisbrot: Mm-hmm. So for example, when before we started recording and we were just having a chat, and maybe you could tell I was different in a way, my personality was, was more pres not, maybe not more present, but more like turned up right? I was more like funny, I was more relaxed. And then when we start recording, I start to feel a little bit more like, okay, let's be a little more professional. Let's make things make sense. And then I also feel more stress in a way, so like I can, I can feel this kind of tension headache in a way. It's not so bad right now. It's maybe like a two outta 10, but, but it's there. Maybe that's my own desire to make sure that what comes out. The quality of the content is there that it's a good perfection. Maybe it is a form of perfectionism. I don't know. Maybe it's me trying to self curate. I don't know. Um, but I, I see a lot of people that record videos for YouTube and they have these incredible personalities and you can see that they're really excited and, and they're fun to listen to. And I maybe sometimes I worry that like, I'm not that fun. I'm not that interesting to listen to, or that I'm worried that people will feel like I am not as energetic as I should be to be someone they would wanna watch. You know? But then I see there's people like Tim Ferriss and Lex Friedman and Steven Bartlett, that they're interesting, but they're not high energy. Even Joe Rogan's not very high energy. He's loud, but, but they're all thought provoking. They're all So, I, I feel like maybe I'm just being hard on myself. I don't know. But I've always really wanted to be able to not feel anxiety when recording.

Diva Diaz: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I think part of it too is, is getting to the point where you are just a bit easier on yourself because we are, you know, we live in a society that is pretty demanding and we have so many things going on. I don't need to list them all, you know what they are, but. Hmm. It can just get a bit too much sometimes. Like, let, let's just be honest for a second. You know, so part of this thing of getting out of judgment is also just allowing it. Like some days you might be a little bit low energy and what if that's okay? And some days you might be super hyperactive and what if really that's okay? And what if that's actually part of your appeal? To the world, you know, and I know that we're talking about this, you know, you working on your podcast, but just in general, in life, I think we're so often trying to kind of live up to an image that we think that when we finally live up to it, we will be better or we will have more success. And I see this happens so much with entrepreneurs, I'm sure you do as well. Um, and if we were just a little bit easier on ourselves just for that one hour a day. It doesn't need to be 24 hours a day, but just for one hour a day, just, just go easy on yourself. I wonder what that could start to change, because when you're being hard on yourself, the, the difficulty is where does all your attention go? When you're being hard on yourself,

Sean Weisbrot: your attention goes towards yourself and not something more important.

Diva Diaz: Yeah,

Sean Weisbrot: like getting stuff done, taking care of people. Exactly.

Diva Diaz: Exactly. And so what happens is that the connection that you could have with people, be it in business situations or just any kind of relationship in general or with an audience or with your clients, that starts to take second priority to this other thing that's going on in your head about yourself. And that's a problem with self-judgment, that we feel that we're so wrong and we're so bad, but it's actually incredibly like consuming. It's, it's something that is really taking you away from what it is that you desire to create. So another question that I give to a lot of my clients is, is this relevant? Is this relevant? Which can sound a little bit harsh, like, hold on. Of course it's relevant. Like I'm feeling this way. Like don't discard, you know? But it is not about that. It's for you to ask it to yourself. I'm not saying go out and ask this, you know, to your partner or anything. Don't stop fights. It's not about that, but ask it to yourself like, is this relevant? Because how much attention are we putting on things that actually aren't really relevant to the future that we are looking to create and to have, I mean, I know for me, I can go down a. Spiral of that wasn't perfect enough. That wasn't good enough. My businesses should be this far ahead by now. Why is this, you know, part of the business struggling? What, and it's a never ending black hole. So I have to take a moment to actually look at myself and rather than go let, just do a priority list or, or whatever, just ask myself a really honest question. Is this relevant? Usually it's a no because the stuff that's gonna make you feel heavy and contracted and limited is usually stuff that is not permanent, is usually things that you can change. They're usually things that aren't the core important values of who you are. And so by asking yourself is this relevant, what you're doing is you're actually telling yourself and taking your mind. Away from that into what is relevant. So of course, that problem may still be have happening. Of course, you may still have the tax man after you, or I don't know, you know, whatever you may have going on. But then you're actually putting your energy on what is relevant, which is so key for. Us as a society, and especially as entrepreneurs, and even more so as neurodivergent entrepreneurs, to keep moving in a direction that's generative and not allow ourselves to spend such a vast amount of time just trying to handle our own thoughts and feelings about what's going on. Mm-hmm.

Sean Weisbrot: So is there something that you do every day that focuses on trying to be kinder to yourself?

Diva Diaz: Yes, absolutely. Um, I would say that, you know, in addition to kind of all these different bits that we've mentioned, I, I really take notice when I'm starting to get agitated in myself, um, when I'm starting to get that antsy feeling, which I used to mistake for motivation, and I used to seek it in a way. Um, and now I recognize that and I ask myself a question instead. So I'll go away from that. Autopilot of just feeling a certain way or, um, you know, maybe starting to get like a little bit cranky in certain situations or trying to force things into existence. And I'll, I'll take a moment to be with myself and I'll ask myself. Okay, so is there an easier way that I can do this? Because one thing that I know about neurodivergent people is that they are so brilliant. They often don't know how brilliant they are and they are so fast. Like you mentioned Sean at the beginning too, that when you ask a question, it is gonna be a matter of moments that there have already come up with like five to 10 ideas as to what that possibility could be. So when I notice that I'm not in constant question, I know that I'm not using my full, uh, potential. So I'm trying to be more like everyone else. I'm trying to just problem solve on a very kind of like, um, linear. Um, you know, like logical level. When I notice that, I will literally ask myself, so what else is possible here? Is there a different way I can do this? What have I not thought of yet? What other thing could we be doing? What could I add to this? In doing that, what I'm doing is I'm taking myself out of any self-criticism because that's no longer the relevant thing that I'm looking at. I'm taking myself out of that feeling of bancy, uh, kind of like. Stress or whatever. Um, but I still allow it to be there. It's okay. I'm not trying to fix it, but I'm trying to add something else to it. I'm trying to add an, an element of value to whatever's going on by asking, okay, so what else is possible? And in that, what happens is my creativity starts to take over and that becomes the dominant feature. Of that moment. And so going into question and being in a state of curiosity is such a dynamic tool because you know, as we all know, any great thing that's ever been invented or created has come from asking lots of questions. It's never come from going, okay, we've got it right job done. Everyone that's go have coffee, you know, it's come from this continuous state of curiosity. So if you can, um, almost retrain yourself to have that state of curiosity in your day to day. What will start to happen is that you will start to really be reaching far more of what people call potential, which I like to call just your general abilities and capacities. And when you're doing that, you're gonna be a lot less stressed, a lot less depressed, and a lot less fo, a lot less focused on what isn't working.

Sean Weisbrot: I feel like I live in curiosity all day long and I think that stresses me out. Because what's, I'm always asking what if, what's possible? What can you do? Like someone, I was with someone and they, they said something and I started just rattling off ideas and they're like, I like why, why are you thinking about that? I was just like sharing something with you. And I was like, that's how my brain works. I can't shut it off. I'm sorry, but like that's what you get. And they're like, okay.

Diva Diaz: Yeah,

Sean Weisbrot: like. And you were saying, okay, we've solved the problem. Let's go get coffee. I, I think that's how Portuguese people think. They're just like, oh, you know, problem solved. Let's go have a coffee, or let's have a glass of wine.

Diva Diaz: I do quite like that way. I mean, I love coffee, so I'm never gonna say no to that. But I think, you know, in general, if that's like your, if that's like your go-to for everything, like, okay, task done, that's fine. But for a lot of neurodivergent people. They, because they have such a level of creativity, their minds will never stop. Exactly Like you just mentioned, Sean, like I probably only have to say one line and you've already got a hundred ideas in a hundred different directions. Um, and it's just normal. Yeah. And so in order to nurture that, you know, what are some of the things that, that, um, you can use yourself and what are some of the internal conversations that you can have with yourself so that that becomes something that is. Easier and, and not a, not a place where you need to feel wrong for being different to others or even agree when somebody else says to you, why are you doing that? That's so weird. You know? And you have to be like, well, it's just who I am. You know? But even have a, a, a sense of peace of mind. True peace of mind with that.

Sean Weisbrot: So you don't like, do gratitude or manifestations or tell yourself that, you know. There's nothing wrong with you, that you're strong, that you're capable, that you're lovely, that whatever. Like you don't do those, or do you do those things with yourself ever?

Diva Diaz: No, no. I mean, the tools that I use are primarily all from access consciousness. 'cause they're, they're empowering in the sense that they're mostly based on question. Um, 'cause the thing is, we live in a world where everybody's giving us their answer. Tell yourself this, and then you're gonna do it. Tell yourself that. Do this answer. You know, this is the way to do it. But how empowering is that? It's not at all because it's that other person's answer. So, um, I mean, I try to do, um, a lot of affirmations and stuff, but when you're doing an affirmation, how often are you trying to convince yourself of something that you've already decided you are not? And that makes it very difficult to come out of, you know, it's like if I've gotta tell myself I'm lovely somewhere, I've decided I'm not lovely otherwise, why would I, I'm not sitting here going, I'm a rabbit, because look, it's just not relevant, you know? And so. It can work very well for some people, but if it, if it's not something that is really working dynamically, the moment you start using it as a tool, then find another tool. You know, uh, things that I do do is I, I do actually, um, ask like, what am I grateful for? But I don't do it. Like, I've gotta do a journal every day. I do it in a way that if I'm having a moment during my day where I'm, you know, not having a lot of ease, I will ask myself, okay, so what am I grateful for here? I'm grateful for the life that I've created. I'm grateful for where I am headed. You know, takes me to the bigger picture, but from a question, what am I grateful for? When you ask a question that literally will change, I. Your energy, it changes your state of mind in that moment. And that, to me is so, so powerful because it's not about convincing yourself of anything and trying to drive yourself there. It's about being willing to change your own energy and your own thoughts in the moment. Um, and so, you know, when you spoke about manifestation, one of the tools, um, that we use in access consciousness is to ask yourself, okay, so what is the life that you'd actually really like? What is the life that you'd really like? And you know, write it down if you like. And I was just doing this the other day 'cause I do it like every six months, you know, just kind of like, see where I am and do it again. Um, and then I will ask, okay, so what, um, so what, what can I be to be that? What can I be, to be this energy? Because what happens is we get so caught up in our day-to-day of doing and we all know what's required. Of us in terms of what do I need to do? We can all write that list in a second. So what's the point in going over that in our heads? That's not gonna do anything, you know, but what do you have to be, do you have to be quieter in your mind? Do you have to be a little bit kinder to yourself? Do you have to be a little bit more assertive in situations? What do you have to be all about that you perhaps haven't considered that you could add to the mix? And so these are some of the, the different tools. Um, you know, that when combined obviously create a lot of forward motion. Um, but really I just kind of pick and choose based on the moment.

Sean Weisbrot: I think that makes a lot more sense than what I've been doing recently, which is, I'll say five things that I'm grateful for. So don't ask myself what am I grateful for? I just go, I'm grateful for my dog because, yeah, I'm grateful for the sun because whatever. Um. Yeah. And then I'll do something like with manifestation where it's like, okay, well what do I want today to be about? And it's like, okay, today I want to be about fun today. I don't really wanna work. I just wanna have fun. Whatever it is I'm doing, no matter who it is, I'm meeting. I just want have fun. Wanna make them smile, wanna enjoy the day. And then I'll, I, I feel so stupid saying this, but I've recently been using a, a stopwatch to time myself smiling. Because I feel like I don't smile as much as I could, and I know that I have a really good smile, and people have told me that they like my smile, and yet I find myself not really being too great at showing the emotions on my face, even though I can express them very clearly with my voice. And so I'll do like, okay, I'm gonna hold a smile for 10 seconds, and then I'm gonna have 10 seconds of no smile, and then 20 seconds with a smile, and then 10 seconds and a smile, and 30 and 10 and 40 and 10 and 50.

Diva Diaz: Yeah.

Sean Weisbrot: Does that actually make a difference in my life? I'm not even sure. But I feel like if anything, I'm working out the muscles in my face, so

Diva Diaz: Exactly.

Sean Weisbrot: I dunno. May maybe, maybe you, you've heard something better like May, maybe I'm, what I mean is maybe I'm doing it the way you suggest already without realizing it, but I also don't. F like you're, you're using it when you feel stress. I'm doing it in the morning when I wake up to hopefully prime myself that the day will be good and positive.

Diva Diaz: Yeah. Yeah. And that's great too. I mean, that's absolutely great too. You know, there are certain things that I will sometimes do in the mornings and sometimes I'm just too busy the moment that I open my eyes and sometimes, you know. Whatever the day takes over. Um, but I think the main thing is do what works for you. Okay? And what works for you doesn't mean do what you've been doing as a habit that you've decided you need to keep doing. Do what actually creates a result. Do what creates something greater. And this is something that I learned, you know, when I started this, um, line of work 14 years ago, that many of the things that I, I was doing. Made me feel like I was doing a good job. 'cause I was doing, doing, doing. And I had like my things and my list and I was visualizing I was whatever. And it's not to knock any of those things. I still do those things, but just not quite as vigorously as before because before I was doing it, just to tick it off the list to say I'd done it and go, okay, well hopefully now my, my week's gonna be a lot better. Rather than really following the energy and following the energy is about trusting your gut. So in that moment it may not create the greatest result. To say to yourself, okay, let me smile. It might create the greatest result for you to call that person that you just thought of. And you know, then you go ahead and you do that. Or it might create greater in that moment to just go, oh, actually what am I grateful for right now? I'm really grateful for this situation. So part of this is, again, honing in, um, into those abilities that we have as, um. People who are neurodivergent of this very strong gut feeling and following that rather than just this system that is fixed of what we should and shouldn't be doing to get a certain result. You know? So it's like if it's making you feel great and really inspired for your day, and it's kind of like expanding your world and making you be like, wow, there are so many more possibilities available than I thought of, you know, even 10 minutes before I started this exercise, or this tool or this process. Great, do it. But if it just makes you go, okay, tick that off my list, then you might wanna ask yourself, okay, so is this actually creating what I desire? Is this actually working? Is this going as fast as I'd like? Or is there something else that I can do? Is there something else I can add to it? So again, it's not about throwing it away, but maybe in that moment. It could be something else. Um, because otherwise what I find tends to happen, and I see this with so many entrepreneurs, is that they then start feeling guilt and shame if they're not getting the results from those daily practices that they thought the daily practices would give them. And what I always say to them is, what if your daily practice every day is different based on the day and different based on how you are that day? What if you're willing to follow that a lot more?

Sean Weisbrot: What's the most important thing you've learned in life so far?

Diva Diaz: To not judge.